Breadcrumbs: Pain Management

Pain is important.  I remember my mom trying to explain this to me.  Pain lets us know that something is very wrong, and we need to take action to keep it from getting worse.  Our natural reaction to pain is to seek out relief.

As I got older, I became aware of a different kind of pain.  This pain was a result of realizing that where I was looked absolutely nothing like where I thought I should be. My friends were leaving for college, and I was working the fry machine at McDonald’s.  Still, I remained optimistic over-all.  Who was I to think that I would have my entire life mapped out by 19?  Somewhere I hit a fork in the road, and never realized it.  I was only moving further and further away from what I thought my life should be.  Every action I took to close the gap only seemed to push me further away, and this pain became sharper.

I alternated between feeling sorry for myself and telling myself to just grow up and ignore the disappointment I felt.  I have tried and failed so many times to find validation in different areas and each failure only pushed me down further.  I have learned a lot in this revolving door of self-reproach.  Number one, by trying to ignore the pain I have learned that I can work very hard.  I have never worked a job I enjoyed or believed in, but I learned to just show up and do the work.  Second, by finally allowing myself to feel the pain and frustration with myself, I had no choice but to seek out comfort.  This has only recently become a productive process.  All I’m looking for in my little projects is something to make me feel better.

Maybe my reasons will change someday, but right now, I make art because I need something to feel good about.  I have one thing that I can point to in my life and say, “I did that, I made something that wasn’t there before, and I like it”.

 

5 Comments Add yours

  1. *hug* I can relate to this so much.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a relief! It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It can be so hard not to get down on ourselves because our lives don’t seem to be moving along in the same direction or speed as others – I know I personally find it hard not to compare myself and my progress in life to that of other people, but I have to keep reminding myself that their life is not mine and mine is not theirs, and that nobody can be expected to have their life move down the exact same path as everyone else. Everyone’s lives have obstacles, some big, some small, some just come at different times, and some effect people more than others. I try to remind myself that I don’t need to be “perfect”, I don’t need to be a “success” at any of the things that I enjoy doing, and that I need to stop putting misguided and unnecessary pressure on myself (or allowing others to do the same!), or feel bad just because my life is different from how I wanted it to be or thought that it would be.

        I think the two of us – and probably a lot of other people too, particularly women! – need to try to stop spending so much time tearing ourselves down inside for what we have or haven’t done, and be proud of the things – big and small – that we have accomplished, no matter if it’s something personal, something creative, whatever, and enjoy those things and keep moving forward, keep learning, keep loving and enjoying the process, and not beat ourselves up because our lives aren’t exactly what society dictates it “should” be.

        Sorry, that was long-winded! 😛

        You’re an awesome woman and I really love, enjoy and appreciate the things that you create and the thoughtful, thought-provoking posts that you write. I know that I’m just one person, but you make my days brighter when I get to see the cool things you make and read the interesting things you write about. 🙂 It makes a positive difference in my life – and I hope by me saying that, you don’t feel that there is any pressure in any way at all! None is intended, I just wanted you to know that what you do has worth and value to me, and to others, I’m sure! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Girl, preach! Your positivity is infectious and highly motivating! I’m so grateful for your encouragement, it has done so much for me!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Aww!! You’re making me blush! 🙂 Thank you!! And I’m so glad that I’ve helped!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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